Friday, March 25, 2011

Can a Woman Change a Man? Get the Real Answer to This Question Right Here By Scarlet Hall

"If only he did this one thing for me life would be so much better"

"I really wish he can love me the way I love him, I know he will change someday."

"I know if I push hard enough he will eventually change."

I am sure you've often asked yourself the same questions as well. I am sure you have sat there and dreamed all day long about how your life would be so much better if only your man did certain things differently.

Now the big question is - Can a woman really change a man? Is it true that if you knock on the door long enough and hard enough someone will actually answer?

Well let me share some advice which will help you a lot...

He won't change because you want him to. He will only change when he is ready -

First of all please understand - You don't control his mind, you don't run his life and you can't make him do things unless he personally wants to do them.

He is another human being and his life decisions will be completely out of your control just like your life decisions are completely out of his control.

Sure both of you can influence each other but that doesn't mean that one or both of you will do everything exactly as the other partner pleases.

If you are sitting there hoping that some day your man will change for you then you are knocking on the wrong door. And here is the big thing - Men do sometimes change but often that change is short lived.

Very soon they return back to their old behavior. Again I am not saying that all men are like this. There are men out there who do change for their partner but it's not very common.

So can a woman really change a man? Well in one word - NO! And even if she does attempt it's going to be one big hill climb and in the end the reward might not be what she expected. Here is why...

You will always feel unhappy if you depend on him to make you happy...

It's normal to have expectations from your partner, it's normal to look up to them for a lot of things but the big problem is this - Some women completely depend on their partner for emotional satisfaction and always find themselves in constant pain because of it.

Here is some truth for you - A relationship can never make you happy.

I am sure you've heard this before a million times but this statement is extremely significant.

Your partner can't do everything exactly as you want him to therefore there will be some disappointment along the way. And you just can't change that.

The only way to be happy in a relationship is to first accept that your partner has flaws and will do things you don't like or agree with. It's just a normal part of being in a relationship. If you can't handle this truth then you will always end up with unhappiness and disappointment.

Important points -

* A woman can not change a man to match her preferences. Even if a man does change temporarily he will always return back to his old self sooner or later. It's better to change yourself and accept that your partner wouldn't change instead of wasting energy on trying to change him.
* If you are constantly trying to change your man then the whole foundation of your relationship is already flawed. A relationship only works when two partners accept each other the way they are. The moment you try to change your man you can start counting the days before your relationship ends.
* If you believe that when your man will change life is going to be so much better then you are day dreaming. Life won't get better when your man will change, it will actually get better when you change.
* Don't give your emotional power away by depending on him too much for happiness. True happiness only comes from the inside and not anything outside of you. Therefore first find that within you, because once you do, you won't seek it from outside sources.

Relationship Wisdom - What Makes A Relationship Work?

Many of my clients have asked me over the years: What makes a relationship work? There are many theories either based on someone's opinion or based on research like in Dr. John Gottman's case.

In the end every relationship is different and what works for one, might not work for another. Having said this, there are a few basic principles that help make a relationship long or longer lasting:

Mutual respect

Sounds simple but once you have been together for a while the respect, interest and curiosity diminishes, as you get desensitized to your partner's ways. Many couples find that after a few years they wouldn't treat a friend as disrespectfully as they sometimes treat their partner. Looking at abusive relationships it becomes obvious that people give up the need to be respected for the little bit of apparent love and attention they get, which they probably didn't get enough of in their childhood.

Ask yourself: What role does mutual respect play in your relationship?

Willingness to continuously grow, as an individual and as a couple

We change and develop anyway, whether we want to or not. As a couple it is important to be open and willing to improve any aspect of self and the relationship on a continuous basis. Even though you're an adult now, this does not mean that your communication skills are unfaultable, right? Even though you've made love for all these years, are you really sure that what you're doing and experiencing is all there is?

Ask yourself: What areas of myself and of my relationship could I spend some time with this month or year and learn more about it? What could we do together as a couple?

Openness to get to know your partner again and again

You might think just because you've been together for 3, 5, 10 years that you know all there is to know about your partner. This would presuppose that nothing ever changes. The fact is that you are not the same person today that you were when you met your partner. Even on a physical sense the cells in your body will have totally replicated within seven years.

Ask yourself: What are we doing as a couple to know what's going on in the other person's life? Do we check-in with each other on a daily basis? Am I interested to hear what my partner has to say?

If any of the questions above have given you some areas to work on start today. If you find it challenging to do this on your own, find a couple's workshop, a communication class or find a counsellor or coach to support you in this journey together. You're doing not just your partner but yourself and your whole family a favor if you're happier where you are and with whom you're spending your life.