Monday, July 18, 2011

How To Deal With Jealousy in a Relationship By Hazel Christine Herber

To know how to deal with jealousy in a relationship, you must identify the root cause. Is the jealousy caused by the behavior of your current partner? Is it a result of being burned in your past relationship? Or is it just plain insecurity within you?

How To Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship because of your partner's behavior

Is your partner the flirty type? Or has your partner broken your trust? Either way if he or she has given you a reason to be jealous and suspicious, jealousy due to this cannot be resolved by you alone. You need to constantly communicate with your partner this feeling and that he or she knows that if you are both to save the relationship, the offending or faltering partner needs to know that he or she has to work doubly hard to earn your trust again, creating, setting agreements to rebuild trust. This does not happen overnight and is a working progress.

The offending partner more than ever needs to know that you need constant reassurance and to win back your trust through transparency and openness. At this point be aware that because of a broken trust, you will tend to have a controlling behavior which might kill the relationship. Being aware of this will help you from being controlling.

Dealing with jealousy due to being burned in a past relationship is however a different matter. You should not come in a new relationship carrying jealousy issues over a past love, and learn to give your new partner a clean slate without casting on him/her a fault of someone else. Nevertheless, it helps to communicate this to your partner so that he/she understands you and can help you heal as you help yourself also get over this fear.

How to get over jealousy due to own insecurity

This stems from lack of self-confidence, and as such, you need to address your esteem issues. Strive to be the best of yourself in every aspect, taking care of yourself physically, cultivating your strengths whether it be at school, work, sports or hobbies. Socialize with friends so as not to put too much focus on your partner - one should never totally build one's life entirely around your partner alone. You both need independent interests to have a healthy relationship too. And this will keep you from nitpicking on every move your partner makes.

Jealousy is a serious issue and should be dealt with early on, and certainly knowing the root cause always helps one to deal with jealousy in a relationship.

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Does He Love Me - How To Know Without a Doubt If His Devotion Is Real or Fake By Breanne Katherine

We women pride ourselves on having an exceptional intuition when it comes to many circumstances and life events, however nothing is harder to read than the inner thoughts of a man.

Especially when it's a man we are extremely interested in and are hoping that he feels the same in return.

To make things even more difficult; men don't express themselves quite as vocally or as obviously as we would sometimes like them too. However on the plus side, most men do give some tell-tale signs that they are inexplicably falling for someone if they exhibit one or more of the following traits:

First off, actions speak louder than words!

This is especially true in a number of ways aside from the classic phone call, text message, door opening and chair presenting. His actions will do all the talking and 'expressing' for him.

One dead giveaway is if he isn't afraid to show some form of public affection.

How sweet and comforted does it make us feel when men hold our hands, lock an arm in ours, or embrace us from any direction? What about the way they kiss us sweetly on the lips before every departure, upon every arrival, and at all the best times?

Well they aren't as clueless to our feelings as they sometimes let on because they know we love these small gestures of affection.

They know that tucking that flyaway hair behind our ear and massaging our shoulders when tension creeps up will make us that much more appreciative, thus falling into the throe's of momentary elation/gratitude, and everlasting attraction.

Another definite measure some men take to express the level of their love is when they begin to offer gifts, of any nature, to the woman they fancy. He may go out of his way to figure out what you love and what you hold dear just to surprise you with something similar and completely unexpected.

He knows this would completely brighten your day and leave a fresh impression of him on your mind for its remainder.

The more creative kind might make something hand-made out of his own artistic abilities just to impress you with something more personally sentimental. Still others may actually shower you with gifts in his desperation to prove just how much he is devoted and willing to make you his!

This is especially true if he happens to remember special dates such as birthdays and anniversaries, and makes sure ahead of time that he has planned something special just to prove, without words, that he has remembered.

Do you ever wake up to see his smiling face looking at yours and pondering how it was he managed to get so lucky? If so, you can bet your bottom dollar that he truly is counting his lucky stars whenever he meets your gaze.

As 'creeper-ish' as it might seem at first - several men, on occasion, watch as their partner sleeps. In fact, their intention is entirely opposite of being creepy as they only do this to revel in the fact that you have chosen him to spend your time, or perhaps your very life with, and nothing makes him happier!

Perhaps you may catch him stealing a sneak peek at you from the side as you absorb yourself in whatever it is your currently doing. Not always, but a lot of the time men may do this discreetly as you engage yourself in conversation with someone else, make certain decisions, or perform a specific action.

Believe it or not, this is mainly because he finds himself in sudden awe of your beauty, admires your prowess and personally feels more honored, worthy, and happy to be within your company.

Sidelong glances and lingering gazes of sheer adoration prove just how much he can never get enough of your effervescent charm.

Most importantly is whether or not he accepts you for who you are. Not only the person you may have been in the past, nor the one you aspire to be in the future, but the one he currently interacts with at any given moment.

This is the person he must learn to love and respect, honor and cherish until his dying breath. So if he learns to accept you and every single one of your flaws and imperfections, big and/or small - he is a definite keeper!

Most flaws are overlooked upon the initial beginning of most relationships, either because they are not yet evident or because they have not been a cause for concern. Over time however, this may change.

This is why it is encouraged by many people to wait up to six months if not more, before deciding if he is really the one for you. This way you both have plenty of time to learn about each others previous mistakes, future concerns, insecurities, and any other shortcomings you deem appropriate.

If after all that he is still standing strong by your side; he must truly be falling, and falling hard!

On rare occasions however, some men may still not be ready for a full-time commitment. He may show all the signs that he is absolutely in love and even honestly mean it when he says he is in love with you, just not quite yet ready to settle down.

Top 5 Reasons Why a Man Will Not Call You Back. By Breanne Katherine

As much as you may not wish to hear it, waiting beside the phone for hours on end just hoping it will ring is not going to magically persuade him to call you any sooner.

Have you not heard? He has things to do, people to see, and other problems to worry about besides bothering with how you feel and what you are doing.

At least that is the way it can sometimes feel...

When men don't call you back for one reason or another, especially when they said they would, it hurts. It can leave you feeling numb, neglected or even forgotten.

You might begin to ask yourself if you said something wrong, did something to offend him, or if he blatantly does not like you and didn't have the guts to tell you before the end of your date.

Whatever his excuse may be, try not to judge him too harshly until you get the opportunity to speak with him yourself, or confer through other sources (such as his friends, etc.) what his intentions may be.

The reason behind his not calling could mean something both positive and/or negative. It is up to you to correctly analyze your given situation and determine under which of the following categories your man lies, and how to react accordingly;

1. He May Just Be Busy

Relax, girlie! If it has only been a little while since you last seen him then maybe he just has a lot of other things on his plate right now. Think back to your last date with him, did he talk with you about a lot of different activities he is involved with at the moment?

If that is the case, you can feel damn lucky he 'scheduled' you in for a date at all, that must mean he really is interested in you.

Take a breather, go occupy yourself with something in the meantime and he will eventually call.

2. He May Not Want To Come Off as Desperate

Guys aren't entirely unlike girls. If a guy happens to find himself in a situation with a girl that he deems 'out of his league', he may just play it cool so as not to come off as too desperate.

If you put yourself in his position you would probably do the same thing, no? He found himself a girl that he is totally into and instead of scaring her off by appearing as 'too infatuated' too fast - he'll play it cool so to keep you interested as well.

Give him some time to decide when and how he chooses to call you back; he could be feeling very nervous and uncomfortable, so let him take time to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the next step.

If he hasn't called you within a week you can probably feel it safe enough to call and inquire how he has been doing, as well as discern whether he is still interested or not.

3. He May Be Emotionally Hurt

Once again, think back to the last time you had to spend with him. Did things end on a high or a low note? If something was said out of line or if one of you was too forward too quickly and the other withdrew, it could have hurt his pride a little.

He may be taking a step back to analyze the situation, and to defend his heart from further torment by putting you through the anxiety of his not calling (unbeknownst to him or not).

If this is the case, he may either be completely distraught that he wants nothing to do with you or he may be waiting for an apology. Either way, with this kind of situation, it may be best if you go ahead and call.

You might have to swallow your pride so to be the first one who calls after an argument - because if you want to get back on good terms you sometimes have to be the one to make the first move.

Find out if he is willing to talk things out, apologize and say your peace and hopefully he'll come through.

If he doesn't, then either give it some more time before trying again, or just let the situation go completely until he decides what he wants.

4. He May Want To Slow Things Down

True love is meant to last and you either have it, or have the capacity to develop it - or you don't. If you do, then there is all the time in the world to get to know each other, make dates and create memories.

Perhaps he just came out of a previous relationship and he actually has an interest in you. He doesn't want you to feel as though you've become a rebound for him so instead he chooses to take the relationship at an easier pace.

Give him some time, only call if you haven't heard from him within a week or two and only if you have a genuine interest in wanting to know how he is and not why he hasn't called yet.

5. He Just Might Not Be That Into You

It's hard to take, hard to hear and hard to believe but sometimes we just need to face the facts.

Why waste time pursuing someone who has no intention of taking it to the next level? Hell, if he can't even call you back, why waste another second even thinking his name?

Forget about him, move on with your life; there are hundreds of thousands of mermen in the sea and hundreds of them would line up for a 'call', and for a chance to leave you a single message on your voicemail!

Stop pacing around your phone, liberate yourself now by deleting his contact and vowing to replace it with another number by the end of the week.

In fact, if you want to know how to practically overload your phone's memory with an excess of male phone numbers, there is an easy way! Right now, you could learn how to make men beg for your digits and you call you back every single time!


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Friday, March 25, 2011

Can a Woman Change a Man? Get the Real Answer to This Question Right Here By Scarlet Hall

"If only he did this one thing for me life would be so much better"

"I really wish he can love me the way I love him, I know he will change someday."

"I know if I push hard enough he will eventually change."

I am sure you've often asked yourself the same questions as well. I am sure you have sat there and dreamed all day long about how your life would be so much better if only your man did certain things differently.

Now the big question is - Can a woman really change a man? Is it true that if you knock on the door long enough and hard enough someone will actually answer?

Well let me share some advice which will help you a lot...

He won't change because you want him to. He will only change when he is ready -

First of all please understand - You don't control his mind, you don't run his life and you can't make him do things unless he personally wants to do them.

He is another human being and his life decisions will be completely out of your control just like your life decisions are completely out of his control.

Sure both of you can influence each other but that doesn't mean that one or both of you will do everything exactly as the other partner pleases.

If you are sitting there hoping that some day your man will change for you then you are knocking on the wrong door. And here is the big thing - Men do sometimes change but often that change is short lived.

Very soon they return back to their old behavior. Again I am not saying that all men are like this. There are men out there who do change for their partner but it's not very common.

So can a woman really change a man? Well in one word - NO! And even if she does attempt it's going to be one big hill climb and in the end the reward might not be what she expected. Here is why...

You will always feel unhappy if you depend on him to make you happy...

It's normal to have expectations from your partner, it's normal to look up to them for a lot of things but the big problem is this - Some women completely depend on their partner for emotional satisfaction and always find themselves in constant pain because of it.

Here is some truth for you - A relationship can never make you happy.

I am sure you've heard this before a million times but this statement is extremely significant.

Your partner can't do everything exactly as you want him to therefore there will be some disappointment along the way. And you just can't change that.

The only way to be happy in a relationship is to first accept that your partner has flaws and will do things you don't like or agree with. It's just a normal part of being in a relationship. If you can't handle this truth then you will always end up with unhappiness and disappointment.

Important points -

* A woman can not change a man to match her preferences. Even if a man does change temporarily he will always return back to his old self sooner or later. It's better to change yourself and accept that your partner wouldn't change instead of wasting energy on trying to change him.
* If you are constantly trying to change your man then the whole foundation of your relationship is already flawed. A relationship only works when two partners accept each other the way they are. The moment you try to change your man you can start counting the days before your relationship ends.
* If you believe that when your man will change life is going to be so much better then you are day dreaming. Life won't get better when your man will change, it will actually get better when you change.
* Don't give your emotional power away by depending on him too much for happiness. True happiness only comes from the inside and not anything outside of you. Therefore first find that within you, because once you do, you won't seek it from outside sources.

Relationship Wisdom - What Makes A Relationship Work?

Many of my clients have asked me over the years: What makes a relationship work? There are many theories either based on someone's opinion or based on research like in Dr. John Gottman's case.

In the end every relationship is different and what works for one, might not work for another. Having said this, there are a few basic principles that help make a relationship long or longer lasting:

Mutual respect

Sounds simple but once you have been together for a while the respect, interest and curiosity diminishes, as you get desensitized to your partner's ways. Many couples find that after a few years they wouldn't treat a friend as disrespectfully as they sometimes treat their partner. Looking at abusive relationships it becomes obvious that people give up the need to be respected for the little bit of apparent love and attention they get, which they probably didn't get enough of in their childhood.

Ask yourself: What role does mutual respect play in your relationship?

Willingness to continuously grow, as an individual and as a couple

We change and develop anyway, whether we want to or not. As a couple it is important to be open and willing to improve any aspect of self and the relationship on a continuous basis. Even though you're an adult now, this does not mean that your communication skills are unfaultable, right? Even though you've made love for all these years, are you really sure that what you're doing and experiencing is all there is?

Ask yourself: What areas of myself and of my relationship could I spend some time with this month or year and learn more about it? What could we do together as a couple?

Openness to get to know your partner again and again

You might think just because you've been together for 3, 5, 10 years that you know all there is to know about your partner. This would presuppose that nothing ever changes. The fact is that you are not the same person today that you were when you met your partner. Even on a physical sense the cells in your body will have totally replicated within seven years.

Ask yourself: What are we doing as a couple to know what's going on in the other person's life? Do we check-in with each other on a daily basis? Am I interested to hear what my partner has to say?

If any of the questions above have given you some areas to work on start today. If you find it challenging to do this on your own, find a couple's workshop, a communication class or find a counsellor or coach to support you in this journey together. You're doing not just your partner but yourself and your whole family a favor if you're happier where you are and with whom you're spending your life.